Here’s to the Kids Who Decided Not to Go to Prom

It’s prom season.  For some, those three words are daunting, for others it stirs excitement, and yet for others it is simply a passive statement.  For us, it is filled with mixed emotions.

For my first born, prom season has been on my mind for the past 6 months.  Probably well before that really, but came more into focus at the start of his junior year.  I often wondered, will he go to his junior prom? And how will I feel if he doesn’t?

To give you some background, I am a mom of three – a 17 year old junior in high school and twin 13 year olds in middle school.  Each has very different personalities, but all are amazing kids.  None of them are typical grouchy teenagers who don’t want to be around my husband or myself.  As a matter of fact, they are quite the opposite.  They keep their rooms clean, aren’t afraid to say ‘I love you’ or hug us in public.  They are respectful and are willing to help out others without expecting anything in return.  They enjoy spending time with us, more so than running off to a friend’s house or begging us to have friends over every five minutes.  I know…odd. But to me and my husband this is a blessing.

How can you not want to go to your prom?

As prom season approached, my husband and I were talking about whether we thought our son would go.  We both went to our proms. As a matter of fact, I was very involved during my high school years.  I was a student council officer, was on the homecoming court, served as an officer in several clubs, played a varsity sport, volunteered my time and just loved everything about high school and being involved.

So when our oldest son told us that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go to prom, it made me a little sad.  I thought, does he feel like he doesn’t fit in? Is there no one to ask? Why on earth would he not want to attend this ‘right of passage’ event??? His answer was simple, ‘I just don’t want to go.  It isn’t my scene.’  And when I really thought about it, truth be told, it really isn’t his scene.  And that’s ok, because he is living his life the way he wants and not how we think he should.  He’s forging his own path.  And that makes us proud.

Our oldest has always beat to his own drum.  He isn’t influenced by peer pressure. Doesn’t really care what everyone else is doing. And certainly isn’t going to do something just because a crowd is doing it.  In the three years he has been in high school he has gone to one formal dance, and he said he really didn’t have a good time and it was boring.  Boring?????? Yes, boring.  And right there should have been our first clue that he would more than likely not go to his prom.

A hard pill to swallow

This past weekend, when all the kids headed off to prom, and my social media was filled with pictures of groups of kids smiling as they headed off to prom in their tuxedos and formal dresses, and parents commenting on how stunning the kids were and how this was the best night of their life and how exciting it was, I thought about all of the kids NOT going to prom and all their parents and how they felt in that moment. For some, it is a hard pill to swallow.  No one wants their child to feel left out or less than. And for other parents, it wasn’t a big deal. They realized that their kids were doing exactly what they wanted by opting out of prom and doing something that they actually wanted to do instead.  And that is what our son did.  He chose to do something else that he enjoys doing with us as a family.

In my eyes, it’s just a dance

After taking a step back and really thinking about it, what I realized is that prom is no longer a ‘special’ thing.  It is only special in the fact that only the people in the grade holding the dance (because let’s call it what it really is) can attend unless an underclassman or upper classman is invited by someone who is attending, and it isn’t held at school.

To me, prom is no different than every other dance our school has because all of our dances have become semi-formal (at least in the community we live in).  Long gone are the days of DJs, jeans, sneakers and dancing in your school’s cafeteria.

Homecoming is no longer a bonfire where you wear jeans and sweaters.  It is a semi-formal event where girls wear cocktail dresses and get their hair, makeup and nails done, and guys wear dress shirts, ties and nice pants.  Same goes for winter formal and spring fling. Which are two more formal dances that my high school never had.

Prom no longer seems special because you don’t need a date to go.  You can go with a group of your friends – all girls or all boys – and no one bats an eyelash.  Back in the 80s, if you didn’t have a date, you didn’t go to the prom.  End of story.

There are many reasons why kids choose not to go to prom.  Some kids are like our son and could care less, others don’t have dates and feel uncomfortable, some can’t afford it because the ticket price is too high or the attire and accessories are too expensive, and some just feel they have no one to go with. Whatever the case, it is ok. In the end, it’s just a dance.  And whether your son or daughter went to the prom or not, is not going to define who he or she is.  So, here’s to the kids that didn’t go to prom!